


Sacrifice

by hushlittlewolf



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-22 15:45:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/915033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hushlittlewolf/pseuds/hushlittlewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benny learns the meaning of being human.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this a few months ago after "Taxi Driver" 
> 
> My Tumblr: http://the-wild-wolves-around-you.tumblr.com

He wonders…he wonders if it makes him human, here, at the last.

Monsters don’t do this. They don’t care. At their heart, they do not have the capacity.

In the beginning, neither did he. He had no conscious, no moral qualms. All of that was replaced by needle teeth and sharp hunger, never-ending, always there. He drank and had his fill; he killed and felt nothing.

Years passed as this; whole lifetimes.

But then something changed.

Everything changed.

He met Andrea and he—the monster, with no capacity for anything but violence—fell in love.

He stopped the drinking; he stopped the killing. She was his fill and she could make him feel things he had otherwise forgotten long ago. 

He loved her, truly, and that was his first fault. Because she made him _human_  again, or so he believed, and humans were bound by mortal laws.

Pain.

Fear.

_Death._

He died and when he opened his eyes again he realized…he had not been human enough.

All the faults with none of the virtues.

All the pitfalls with none of the perks.

 _Purgatory._  The realm of monsters and that never-ending hunger he had tried so hard to escape. It was kill or be killed here, become the monster or become the prey. He had no choice. He became what he had to in order to survive.

He stripped away all those useless feelings, that conscious,  _the memory of her face._ Who had he been trying to fool? He was never human, not even with Andrea, not even in his “love.” He was always a monster; just a monster trying his hand at make-believe. A wolf in sheep’s clothing.

It took him decades to realize it. The truth.

He had never truly loved her. It was only selfish desire,  _always and only and nothing more._ If he had loved her, he would have left her be. He would have never introduced himself. He would never have put her life at risk.

But he was only a monster. He could do nothing more. At his heart, he just did not have the capacity.

Lifetimes passed, all rage and blood and  _hungerneverending._ It was easy. And simple. There were no lies to tell here. All honesty was brutal and hacking, the slice of blades and tearing of teeth.

Then HE came.

The human.  _Dean Winchester has been saved for a time and place such as this._

He saw the opportunity; he found Dean. It was only selfish desire. One-way ticket out and he had had enough of the hunger here. He proposed they work together, a mutual business agreement.

Dean, reluctantly, agreed.

They fought their way through Purgatory; they killed and felt nothing at all.

Years passed as this; whole lifetimes.

But then something changed.

Everything changed.

They got topside and he realized it when Dean hugged him.

_We did it man. Benny. We got out._

Dean smiled and it was so human. Benny swept his tongue across his teeth—needle and aching with hunger already—and he wished for the simplicity.

But nothing is ever simple. And nothing is ever fair.

Which is how he finds himself here again,  _Purgatory,_ the realm of monsters and hunger never-ending. All for that human— _his one-way ticket, business partner, friend, brotherfriend—_ all for Dean Winchester. He doesn’t know how it happened and he doesn’t know when. 

Somewhere along the line…he tricked himself again. Tricked himself into believing he was human with a capacity to love and care and die for a cause that was worth it. But what makes a human anyway? Love, compassion, what? Benny thinks he knows now, here, at the last.

“Benny!”

He turns and Sam Winchester flips him a blade, gratitude and disbelief in the lines of the human’s face.  Benny grins and lets his teeth show, red with blood, needle sharp and hungry.

He was a monster; he believed that. That is why he returned here. It wasn’t all for Dean. It was just where he belonged. But as he turns away from the younger Winchester— _Time for you to go, Sam—_ he wonders again what it means to be human.

He thinks he’s figured it out.

It is not love or compassion.

Not fear or pain or death, even though they are part of the human condition.

Benny grips the blade in his hand and thinks about Andrea, about Dean, about little Elizabeth and he realizes what he had been missing, all this time. That last piece of the puzzle.

He had fallen in love and that was selfish.

He had hitched a ride out of here. Selfish.

He had gone home and ruined Elizabeth’s life. Selfish.

_Selfishselfishselfish._

But he would do right here. If only for an instant, even if he didn’t mean anything, even if it couldn’t save his soul, he would give his life so another might live.

_Benny Lafitte_ _has been saved for a time and place such as this._

The other vampires advance. Needle teeth and hunger never-ending. 

Monsters don’t do this. They don’t care for anyone but themselves. At their heart, they do not have the capacity.

The portal closes with a sound like crashing waves. Benny takes a deep breath and the first vampire lunges. She is wild and savage. He smiles at her and closes his eyes. The blade, slick with blood, falls from his hand.

It is almost a relief. 


End file.
